GetSheila

I missed by big TV

Electrician rate: $65 an hour

Time away from work: 2 hours

Having light in the living room and a reliable new electrician contact: PRICELESS

 

Technorati Tags: electrical repair

Kids Today

So I pull into Taco Bell’s drive-thru but stop a car length or so short of the end of the line to let a car on my right back out of a parking space.

Meanwhile, some high school chick swoops in from my left and pulls in front of me in line.

Mind you, there was no driveway to my left. There were two handicapped parking spaces on my side with two more mirroring them even farther to my left, each pair divided by a striped loading/unloading zone put there to accommodate the rickety people who park in such spaces.

This chick illegally drove through BOTH unloading zones and maneuvered between parked cars to line jump me while I sat there being a polite driver and a good citizen. She and her girlfriend laughed the whole way with their Here Comes My Red Lipstick lips and My Eyelids Are Sagging Under The Weight Of My Mascara lashes.

I was about to get out of my car and bitch slap them both when a fire truck pulled up and I suddenly lost all conscious thought of anything other than the three healthy, clean cut men in uniform strolling to lunch.

When I came to, the bitches were ordering. That’s okay. I got the make, model, and license number of her car. If someone wakes up to a gas tank full of sugar, I had nothing to do with it.

 

Technorati Tags: lunch is a serious thing,big haired bitches,teenage drivers

Will I or Won’t I?

I am contemplating obtaining a Masters degree in Taxation.

I am a CPA: accountant, tax preparer, bean counter, glorified bookkeeper, all around number cruncher. Several years ago, after working for a Big 4 accounting firm then later as Tax Manager at a national newspaper company, I decided I no longer wanted to be an accountant and left my job. Shortly thereafter, the company was bought out and everyone in my department lost their jobs.

A few years later I was back in tax at a global high-tech manufacturing company but soon switched departments to dabble in portal content management. I left the company altogether due to the chaos created by underfunding, undermanning, and underappreciating the portal team. Shortly thereafter, the company eliminated the department altogether and everyone lost their jobs.

*Trying to pretend I do not know what a Jonah is right now.*

I am now back at the small town public accounting firm I left over ten years ago to obtain broader tax experience in the big metropolis. It is like an old shoe, this firm: comfortable and warm and perhaps a bit boring. Hence the idea of obtaining my Masters degree to jazz things up a bit.

I emailed three of my friends who are high up the Tax food chain in both public companies and private accounting firms to ask about how a specific online course/University is respected, what they think of a potential new hire with a degree from this online U compared to a brick-and-mortar school, etc.

Two emailed back great info about the school’s reputation, the current scarcity of qualified people at certain tax levels, etc. The third called me the next day. I have condensed and paraphrased the conversation for your convenience:

Friend: WHY do you want to jump into a Masters degree program?
Me: I’m bored.
Friend: How old will you be when you finish?
Me: 50, including a few years of indentured servitude to my current employer if they opt to pay for the degree.
Friend: Um, WHY do you want to do this again?
Me: Think of it as really expensive CPE.*
Friend: Oh, well in that case, why not?

We are much alike, me and Friend. It was the right question to ask. Also factor in the fact that I only had one tax class in college. ONE. Yes, yes, I have had many CPE courses over the past twenty+ years and I have accumulated a vast amount of knowledge on the job, which is invaluable. BUT – and there is always a BUT – it feels slapdash and piecemeal. Tax is a fast moving business and the general attitude is “Go get your required CPE in the minimum possible amount of nonchargeable time and get your ass back here to bill bill bill and make the firm some money.” It is the nature of the business.

I have proposed weekly lunchtime CPE at the firm, where I teach classes on subjects ranging from simple Excel tips and tricks to more complicated tax subjects. The Masters course would give me fodder for the latter, which the partners themselves might be interested in. They are both incredibly smart but neither of them has a Masters degree in Tax, in fact I do not know of anyone in town who has one, so it could be fun for all.

Enrollment begins later this month for classes starting at the end of August. Decisions, decisions.

________________________________________________

*CPA licensing requirements demand a certain number of hours of Continuing Professional Education (CPE) each two-year licensing period. Costs start at about $100 for a self-study class on a simple subject earning a few hours of CPE and go up from there. Each 3-unit course at the online U approximates $2,500 but it does count for 45 hours of CPE.

Technorati Tags: masters in tax,why get a masters degree?

Electrical Hide and Seek

Holy crap, my living room electricity magically reactivated today at noon.

I left a small light switched on, you know, so I would know right away if my wayward electricity decided to give up an exciting life on the road and return home.

I wonder where it went. Maybe New York to sub for a vacationing Broadway marquee light. Or perhaps Alaska to get away from the heat. At the rate electricity travels, the possibilities are endless. I am just glad it came home.

I am trying not to think about electrical shorts and potential fiery death right now. I am instead focusing on the suckiness of contractors who do not return phone calls. Maybe he had inside knowledge the first two weeks of July are Spring Break for young electricity and figured I would call back if mine was gone too long.

Well, it was bound to happen

I have become one of those ladies who lets the clerk get half way through ringing up her cart of groceries before she realizes she left her wallet at home.

Sad.

 

Technorati Tags: aging,memory,where are my keys?

You Might Be a Redneck If...

Still alive, so far.

Thinking about running an extension cord from a working outlet in another room to power the TV and cable box in the living room until I get the circuit breaker situation resolved.

Wondering how redneck that would make me.

 

Technorati Tags: home improvement,my electric personality,faulty breaker

Well for Heaven's Sake

Just when I get the very last light fixture installed and every switch in my house actually operates something, all the outlets in my living room drop dead.

At 9:15pm.

No, the breaker did not trip.

No, a GFCI did not trip, either. I do not have any GFCI outlets or breakers, which is kind of scary so I try not to think about it. The same way I try not to think about having aluminum wiring.

And no, it is not a loose wire from one of my new installations. They all still have power and the living room is not down the chain from any of them anyway. The living room outlets are all on one breaker which, since it did not trip, I can only assume is the culprit.

So now I have to research how to change out a breaker. What a lovely long-4th-of-July-weekend project to look forward to.

Perhaps it is time to call an electrician and get that whole house rewiring estimate I have been promising myself because, you know, I am made of money. Oh wait, no I'm not. Crap. Well, here is hoping the house does not burn down around me one night while I sleep. If the kitties should escape, please give them a good home, won't you?

Technorati Tags: home improvement,faulty breaker,my electric personality

10 Things I Learned Installing Ceiling Fixtures

I plugged the very last hole in my ceiling this weekend with a big fat fan. Hurrah! Take THAT, PG&E. A few things I learned along the way:

1. CEILING FANS. Installing your first ceiling fan is hard. Installing a ceiling fan after that, not so much. Installing an expensive ceiling fan after having installed a cheap one is even easier because it comes with all kinds of helpful things, like a hook to hold the motor up near the ceiling while you, lonely installer with only two hands, connect the wiring. The hook also supports one end of the 25lb motor while you tighten the screws on the other side. 
   
   My boss told me more expensive fans are easier to install but I did not believe him. Oh me of little faith.
   
   
2. LIGHT FIXTURES. Installing a mere light fixture after installing ceiling fans is a cakewalk.
   
   
3. ATTICS. Attics are dirty. And hot. And lack proper walkways and lighting. But if you are installing a ceiling fan, you MUST go up there to inspect or install extra bracing to support the weight of the fan. If you do not, the fan WILL come down one day and squash whatever (or whomever) happens to be below it at the time.
   
   
4. DRILLING. Never stand directly beneath your drill when drilling into the ceiling unless you want plaster dust stuck to your by-now sweaty face, neck, upper chest, and in your bra.
   
   Tip: Drill a hole in the bottom of a disposable plastic drinking cup and insert your drill from the bottom when drilling into the ceiling. The cup will catch any falling debris and keep the dust under control. (Gotta love that Amy Matthews and the DIY Network.)
   
   
5. TOO LONG IS BETTER THAN TOO SHORT. Never shorten anything - not chain, not wires, not anything - until you are completely finished and know FOR CERTAIN you do not need that extra length.
   
   
6. CHAIN LINK. Opening and closing chain links is an exercise in frustration. I found a site that told me to hold one end with pliers (after protecting it with a towel so you do not damage the finish), then insert a screw driver into the other side and use leverage to bend it up or down. This worked, sort of, but I could not get it open quite far enough to fit easily over the big ends to which I had to attach it nor could I quite get it closed back perfectly with no gaps. Bother.
   
   
7. REMOTE CONTROL CEILING FANS. These suckers are a nightmare to install because the receiver, extra wires, and J-hook all have to fit into the tiny canopy at the ceiling with virtually no wiggle room. The bracket is only about the size of the ceiling opening and can edge up into the opening if you are not careful, making it hard to get the canopy aligned with the mounting screws that are now practically embedded in the ceiling.
   Also, many (all?) of these fans are ONLY operated by the remote, i.e. no pull chains, so if the remote goes out, too bad. Or as in my case, if you cannot get it to turn on when you finish installation, you have no way to determine if it is a problem with the remote or the power connections without taking it all apart again.
   
   If I was going to have to take the GODDAMN fan apart one more time it was going back to the GODDAMN store. (See #10 and do as I say, not as I do.)
   
   
8. DRY FIT. Do as much as you can on the floor first. Dry fit anything that inserts into another part to find out BEFORE your neck is kinked and you have lost all blood flow to your fingers whether you need to maneuver around any protruding objects or wrap the wires a certain way to get everything to fit properly.
   
   
9. GOT POWER? Verify the fixture has power before putting on the pretty parts, like fan blades and glass shades, so you have less to take back off if you have troubleshooting to do.
   
   
10. PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE. Patience is not only a virtue, it is a requirement when installing ceiling fixtures, with or without a fan. Take your time. Take breaks. Stay hydrated and have your party beverage of choice available when the job is done.
    

I cannot express how immensely gratifying it is to install ceiling fans and light fixtures myself. To someone who does this sort of thing all the time, that may seem silly, but I have a new skill now. I feel empowered and motivated and, um, OW…since when do I have muscles THERE?

Good thing I have a hot tub.

Have you installed any ceiling fixtures? Got any tips or stories?

Technorati Tags: install ceiling fan,install ceiling fixture,10 things

At last, a dining room light

Before:

After:

And the big picture:

I could not find a fixture I really loved so I settle for one I thought was kind of cute.

Once you have installed a ceiling fan, installing a light fixture is nothing. NOTHING. Unless of course it is a dangly one and the existing hole is not centered over where your table will be but you forget so you shorten both the chain and the wiring to the exact length you need and then have to re-lengthen everything so you can swag it over to the appropriate location and only barely, BARELY have enough wire to do the job.

Not that that happened to me or anything. Ahem.

The wall switch was already a dimmer so now I not only have light, I have MOOD light. Very groovy.

Here is what the original fixture looked like in all its gold plastic glory:

Yes, plastic, a fact I did not discover until I began cleaning it in preparation for paint. Those four hook-like things attach to the skinny part in the center for the sole purpose of holding more crystals, which I had already removed and cleaned:

I did get it painted:

But then I realized it would still be a curly, crystally, PLASTIC monstrosity no matter how much I tried to disguise it. Perhaps one day I will reattach all the crystals and sell it on Craigslist.

Have you done any home improvement projects lately?

Technorati Tags: dining room,chandelier,install ceiling fixture,365days

If I only get 3% again this year, somebody’s new tan will be hanging from my wall

The Kahunas are in Hawaii this week. Yes, Hawaii. At a “conference,” which just happens to coincide with their friends and loved ones also being over there. Things I heard before they left:

BIG KAHUNA: It’s my in-laws’ 50th wedding anniversary. They are paying for everyone’s flight and lodging. It just happens to be the same week as the conference.

BUFF KAHUNA: I am using frequent flier miles so our flights are free.

TRANSLATION: We are still broke from building this brand new office last year. At your review next week, try not to focus on our fabulous new tans when we tell you everyone is getting a measly 3% raise again this year regardless of how hard (or not) they worked.

Perhaps I should practice flaying skin from a fish this week. Just so I am ready.

Technorati Tags: annual review,raises