I know today should be about celebrating our country's independence, but I will forever associate it with Will Smith in the movie Independence Day, punching the alien in the face yelling "Welcome to Earth!" Besides, most people don't celebrate the independence part. It's more about gathering the family together, consuming mass quantities of food, and trying to keep from melting into a puddle of goo. The latter part is optional if you don't live in a place that gets stinkin' hot in July, in which case I hate you.
If you live in Atwater (stinkin' hot!), the day starts with a parade that ends at Ralston Park, where you can spend the rest of your daylight hours roaming among the booths: food booths, drink booths, craft booths, game booths. Or perhaps you would prefer to play on the swings. It is a park, after all. The over-21ers hang out in the beer garden: lotsa beer, not much garden. I always feel decidedly out of place in the beer garden. I get that "class reunion / everyone is checking out the size of your butt (women) or the sparsity of your hair (men)" kind of feeling. Creepy.
Today I am headed to my auntie Flora's for the annual bar-b-que and the dodging of the flying children. They don't really fly. It just seems that way to old people. You know, anyone over 21. So here are my goals for today:
- Don't forget to bring the spinach dip because you live an hour away and you can't just pop back home to get it. Also, once-friendly relatives will shun you if you don't bring the promised booty;
- Pick up your own pack of cigarettes because, even though you don't smoke anymore, you know you will smoke with your smoking cousins so just get over the denial and bring your own cigs so you don't become one of those annoying cig-moochers;
- Find out as much about Flora's cancer as possible because mom is afraid to ask her sister the hard questions but I know Flora will just tell me to mind my own gosh darn business if she doesn't want me to know so what's the harm in asking? She will still love me.
- Get off the computer with enough time to spare to blow dry your hair because, yeah, you forgot you washed it this morning and then sat down at your keyboard to let it air dry for a bit. Now it's Medusa-hair and isn't THAT going to be a fun mess to straighten out?
Crap! Uh, gotta go.
