I promised you I would post my reply to our cranky rear neighbor. Here it is. I sent it Friday, before posting The Christmas Spirit, so do not be too disappointed it does not include any of your excellent rebuttal suggestions.
Hi [name withheld].
I am Sheila, Kate's sister and roommate. I am so sorry to hear you and your son are not in good health.
Judging from the tone of the email you sent to Kate, you are clearly frustrated. Do you realize, though, that up until Kate received your email, neither one of us had any idea there was a problem? Can you imagine what it must have been like for us to open an email from a neighbor we are currently having a cordial exchange with over replacing the fence, only to have you vent your frustrations all over us for something we were unaware of?
I know there was a problem with the trees a few years ago, where you said the leaves were clogging up your pool filter, so Kate had the trees removed as soon as you made her aware of the problem. As I recall, she had them cut down within a matter of days. I believe she kept one tree for shade, the one farthest from the pool, until the new one she had planted farther away from the fence took hold. Since the two trees were removed, you have not communicated the remaining tree was an issue so we assumed the problem was taken care of. Also, [your husband] did not mention it the two times I spoke with him recently about the fence.
Kate finally gave up on waiting for the replacement tree to grow since it appears it is not going to. I believe she already has the tree people scheduled to cut down the tree that remains near the back fence when it goes dormant (February?) Hopefully this will take care of your maintenance problem. May I also suggest a pool cover, if you do not have one already? Even with our tree gone, you will likely still accumulate debris during the winter. A pool cover will save you hours of straining leaves and such. It would be money well spent since it would keep you and your son from having to perform manual labor when you are both in such poor health.
In the future, please do let us know promptly when you need something from us. We will be happy to oblige if it is within our power to do so. When you let it go so long that you become angry before contacting us, it is unpleasant for everyone involved. Simple pleasantries go a long way to promote neighborly good will.
Happy holidays to you and yours.
It occurs to me as I reread it now that I did not apologize for our sole remaining tree creating such an "unbearable" mess in her yard. Tsk tsk. What an oversight. I did, however, say I was sorry to hear she and the son who helps her clean her yard are in such poor health. That's something. Especially since what I wanted to say was, "Why on earth are you and your son outside in the cold performing manual labor when you are in poor health?" I also wonder what sort of health condition allows the son to spend all summer doing noisy cannonballs into the pool yet still qualifies as poor health.
Surprisingly, neither my sister (who sent her own email) nor I have received a response yet. Maybe they will threaten a lawsuit like they did to get the trees cut down a few years ago. You know, before they asked nicely. They just threatened a lawsuit right off the bat before ever making us aware there was a problem or giving us an opportunity to remedy it in an adult, cooperative manner. Why be neighborly when you can be aggressive and surly and condemn your neighbors for not reading your mind instead?
Did I mention this is the same neighbor who, when a neighborhood dog would start barking (like they do, because they are dogs), would fling open his sliding glass door, stick his head outside, yell "SHUT UP!" then slam the slider shut again? Because, you know, that is an effective way to deal with the issue.
He is also the one of the dastardly duo who displayed the ugliness with the threatened lawsuit a few years ago, so do not think hubby is all nicey nicey and the wife is the bitchy one. They both have anger issues and it appears they feed off each other. It is not healthy.
I wonder if her health issues involve an ulcer, by any chance.
Tags: holidays, neighbor wars
